May. 3rd, 2010

gina_r_snape: me as drawn by pennswoods (Is this real life? (Glee))
Well I had a horrible weekend, sort of.

If you believe in Mercury Retrograde as the harbinger of communication problems, then I believe it parked itself in my mouth this weekend. If you don't, then my brain is simply not working and I'll be glad to be going to the doctor on Wednesday. I've been feeling unusually fatigued lately, to the point where it worries me. And I have a hunch it my be my thyroid.

In addition to the general fatigue, I've become disconcertingly forgetful lately. Twice this past week I mentioned to people about the grant I applied for - and completely forgot they were people who I'd asked to look at my proposal. I also asked two LJ friends how they knew each other, having completely forgotten that I was the one who introduced them.

It made me feel like I have dementia. And it was horrible.

And then on Saturday night I went from bubbly and eagerly awaiting the arrival of my Elf to flattened with exhaustion in the blink of an eye. To top it off, the cats acted super crazy insane Saturday night. So I didn't get a good night's rest. On Sunday I went to brunch and it was like I wasn't even in control of the things coming out of my mouth. In answer to a question by my friend DR which was meant to come out as two sentences, all I was able to elicit was "I did." And it took me a few to realize I had truncated my entire answer and then had to explain what I meant.

And to top it off, my Elf had to endure this and I said some things that also came out all wrong, and which are making me feel a bit crazed now. I felt myself sinking into a hole on Sunday. And I worry how my words and behavior may have made her feel.

I felt so bad by Sunday night that I opted to stay home instead of going to the DWNY meet, and I think this was a wise decision. I passed out on my couch, my joints were in pain and my body felt like it was sinking. My ears were ringing. I feel like I want to crawl into a hole and not come out again until my brain is fixed. But what if it's not my thyroid? What if I'm just overextended and it's catching up with me? How will I get done all the things I need to, and not fall apart in the process? I'm not doing anything more than what I usually do. So why does it feel like more?

ETA: Aaaand, the icing on the cake? I just found out I didn't get the grant.

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