gina_r_snape: me as drawn by pennswoods (Default)
I am pleased to report that my dissertation has been uploaded and accepted by ProQuest!

"Employment Discrimination Among People Who Are Transgender or Gender Non-Conforming: A Mixed Method Secondary Data Analysis"

My University did not require a hardcover (or even softcover) binding to publish. Everything was done online. Amazing.

I paid $55 to them for copyright registering, and ordered two softcover copies - one for myself and one for my dad and stepmother. Soon it will be a searchable, published dissertation.

I hope it will help the cause of transgender rights.

Anyone who is interested in reading it, let me know! If you don't have access to ProQuest through a University library for free, or don't have the means to pay (I think it will cost something like $4?) once it goes live, I can send a pdf. Be advised though - it's 150 pages including charts and attachments!

It's been a loooong road. But it's finally done.
gina_r_snape: (Please Kill Me)
Greetings flist.
Well, I decided to name the plants Remus and Romulus because, indeed, the cilantro started to flower and was not at all happy in the heat. But then I got another basil plant and another cilantro plant. So now I've put them in two pots of like kinds.

Sound like mental juggling? That ain't nuthin' compared to my dissertation. I am deep in the throes of putting together my hypotheses and combing through the variable.

So here is where I need your help PEOPLE ON MY FLIST WHO IDENTIFY AS TRANS, GENDER NON-CONFORMING, OR CISGENDER BUT ARE FAMILIAR WITH THE CONCEPTS!!!!

The original researcher asked three questions:
1-Do you consider yourself trans in any way? Yes, No, don't know/questioning)
2-What was your sex assigned at birth (SAAB) (Male, Female, Don't Know)
and then later on,
3- What terms do you use to describe your gender identity? with the answers:
crossdresser
drag queen/king
feminine male
FTM/transgender man
GNC/variant
genderqueer
masculine female/butch
MTF/transgender woman
transgender
transsexual
two-spirit
none of these apply to me
female
male
intersex

When they did their report, they assigend anyone who said "yes" to 1 and male to 2 as MTF and anyone who said yes to 1 and female to 2 as FTM.

But my dissertation looks beyind the binary. I am looking to see if gender nonconformity or inconsistent presentation or people who others guess as being trans receive differential treatment.

Still with me?

So I am thinking of recoding the variables in question 3 to reflect three overarching categories: FTM, MTF and GNC.

BUT
This is not so easy.
If someone says they are a two-spirit, do I not include them in the analysis of certain questions? Do I assign them MTF or FTM based on SAAB and current gender presentation (another question).

If someone identifies as a feminine male and was male at birth, are they GNC? But if they say feminine male and was female at birth, still GNC or FTM?

If someone identifies as intersex but indicated their gender presentation as different from that assigned at birth, should that person be coded as GNC or left out?

I am concerned about adequately reflecting those people's experiences when asking questions like are they at risk of working in a street economy, or having lower income/living in poverty, or experiencing discrimination on the job.

So I have to make a decision about how to recode and I can't decide. Are there underlying thoughts or assumptions in going with one decision vs another on what category to put them in? You see, I have to choose SOMETHING or else I can't run statistics on that sort of variable. You wind up with what is called "too small cell size" because there are too many categories and not enough people in them to accurately test against another variable. (Sorry for the nerdtalk...)

Any thoughts?

(Note: I appreciate all constructive feedback that will help me make a decision on the variable. If anyone responds to this, please don't assume they are in any given category of gender identity unless explicitly expressed here. I'm making this note because I'm not f-locking the entry and some people may not wish to comment for fear of outing themselves in some way or another).
gina_r_snape: me as drawn by pennswoods (Default)
And just like that, summer is here. It's nearing the end of May and I've already had cause for turning on the A/C. The clock is ticking on me getting dissertation writing done (I plan to send something in to my committee in July). And I haven't even posted the pictures I took at the Pride Parade nearly a year ago. :shameface: I've been totally exhausted lately. I'm sure it's work-related and just caught up to me. But now I've fallen into a pattern where I don't sleep well at night, wake up tired, come home and nap after work, and don't sleep well again. Here's hoping the 3-day bank holiday weekend helps fix that.

On the plus side, T-Rex and I are coming up on our first anniversary! And I've joined another CSA. I've given up on the last one. I found them just too disorganized and it was a struggle to pick up the produce by 6pm. So this year I joined the Stanton Street CSA. They held a little "welcome orientation" last weekend and I got to meet the farmer. He was a lovely, soft-spoken fellow who talked about his farming, philosophy and commitment to supporting area agriculture and good labor practices. And he gave us a sense of what to expect, which was quite helpful. I got to meet the home organizers and some of the members and everyone seems super nice. I also have a share partner, who I have not met yet. (She posted on a board looking for someone). But we have emailed and spoken on the phone.

Pickups are Thursdays, so at least I can prep/store/cook at the weekend.

I leave you with this picture. T-Rex and went for a walk after dinner earlier this week and stopped for dessert at a place called Dessert Club. I got a green tea shaved ice and boy was this more than I expected!



And yes, I am totally omitting the story about how I was feeling too ill and tired this weekend to go out so T-Rex went to the Waystation with some other Whovians and wound up meeting Matt Smith and Steven Moffat there.

Meh

Apr. 4th, 2011 10:50 pm
gina_r_snape: me as drawn by pennswoods (Boosh Noel F* Me shoe)
Well, I got nothing done this weekend. I felt completely listless, so I watched 30 Rock and curled up with my cats on Saturday. I did meet up with [livejournal.com profile] pomona513 on Sunday, however, and bought a funky tie with vegetables on it. And I went to the DWNY video meet for a short while, where I got to hang out with [livejournal.com profile] tennis_bear.

My cape arrived today. It sort of helped, but I was particularly amused by the language on the return form. They called it a "counterfoil" and I'm not sure why it amuses me, but it does. I also liked how the paper that lists your purchase was called a "Despatch Note" rather than "Invoice" or "Packing Slip."

The weather was weird today, but the perfect temperature for my new cape, so at least I got to wear it home.

The State negotiated to keep some of the homeless funds we lobbied for. They plan to replace the former housing voucher with something new - to be announced at a director's meeting on my birthday. FML

I have a meeting on Wednesday with my dissertation chair and second. I might have to shell out real money for mplus, as my chair informed me that the University didn't purchase new licensed copies. And my friend who was going to give me her copy doesn't think it'll work now as the license expired. Anyone have an idea for a tacky fundraising auction I can do? I have a YouTube account, if it helps.

At least work was relatively quiet today.
gina_r_snape: me as drawn by pennswoods (Studious (HP))
So I went to University yesterday and did a training on EndNote. It's a bibliography software that I've struggled with using in fits and starts over the past few years. My academic advisor gave the instructional session, so I decided to try one more time. I think it's finally sunk in, how it works, and I'll give it a go.

It's been ages since I stepped foot on campus. As I'm not teaching this semester, I've had no reason to go there except for occasional use of the toilets library. How warmly I was greeted by so many!

I sat in the doctoral lounge in the afternoon and attempted to get work done. Actually, I did get work done, in an interesting paradox. When I'm alone on my own, I find I seek out forms of distraction. But when other people interrupt me, I get frustrated and strive to concentrate harder.

This photo of the Boosh boys is for [livejournal.com profile] drfardook's amusement after a conversation we had last night, but seems oddly apropos )


At any rate, after spending time in my department, I went to the NYU Bobst library where I miraculously still have access. Having first grown used to that library during my undergraduate days, I still flinch when I walk in and see display cases where the card catalogues used to be. It feels like a missing limb. I truly am in some ways still a product of the 20th century, of another age.

I wanted to copy one chapter of a book that my University does not have in its holdings. I discovered that Bobst only has an electronic version, much to my annoyance. And the "ebrary" won't let you print it out. Call me old fashioned, but I want a hard copy! I want to be able to highlight it and mark it up - and :gasp: read it in a cafe or a pub and NOT on the computer. I struggled with whether this makes me the product of another age, or if it's a tangible need that will endure as we further progress into the electronic age and the myth of the joys and efficiency of a paperless society.

One of my exes used to chide me for keeping hard copies of CDs when electronic backups would do. I used to say I liked having them. I still miss playing records and rolling joints on gazing at album covers. In Being Human, one subtle way they showed Mitchell wasn't as he appeared was his stack of records, tapes, and antiquated but still operable stereo. But the fact is, I do now only listen to music on my iPhone, the iPod hooked up to my stereo, or directly from the iTunes library on my computer. I threw out a stack of old games on CD Tuesday. Perhaps it's time to do the same with my CDs.

I caved!

Mar. 28th, 2011 02:22 pm
gina_r_snape: me as drawn by pennswoods (Studious (HP))
Er, yeah, so, I wound up having a surprisingly emotionally upsetting experience yesterday followed by nausea for several hours - and hence not much work done. Soooooo, I went ahead and ordered the damn cape. At least it was on sale?

I'm still feeling a bit queasy today and not entirely sure why. But I seem to be keeping down bagels and coca-cola (an achievement only made late in the day yesterday). So off to work I go. And by off, I mean "stay at my desk and read academic work." I'm certainly not putting on real clothing and heading outdoors. Why did NYC get so frelling cold out?!?! It's bloody freeeeeezing.

Been meaning to ask - has anyone on my flist watched Downton Abbey? It's on my "to watch" list. And has anyone heard anything about a second series?
gina_r_snape: me as drawn by pennswoods (Noel nutella)
Today is the first day of my four-day weekend of cleaning and dissertating. I slept for eleven hours last night and had some strikingly vivid dreams this morning. [livejournal.com profile] fiendish_thingy even appeared in one of them to my delight and surprise. I almost never dream of friends as they actually are. We sat on a couch in the lobby of Gallifrey talking. No idea why. But it felt good to allow my brain the opportunity for extended REM-sleep.

I ate toast with nutella this morning, and herded the laundry previously scattered to the four corners of my flat-world, feeding on dust bunnies.

Then I took this quiz, what I saw on [livejournal.com profile] droxy's LJ and it's very amusing. Not least of all because since I don't believe in Dante's version of Christian Hell, the results make me think "well, I would be afraid if I believed it..." A tautology of a meme outcome if ever there was one.

The Dante's Inferno Test )


And since we're on the topic of gluttony/indulgence, I really want to buy this cape from TopShop. It's the brown piping that draws me in. Some of you will understand. cut for very large photos )


I took a long shower and contemplated the outline for my dissertation chapters. Clumps of ideas, with a better idea than before regarding what might be missing or need further exploration and developing bubbled up to the surface. Cells splitting into an organism. The creative process is embryonic. But it's also like connective tissue sometimes.

Finally, LJ comments and PMs seem to be randomly delivered to my inbox or swallowed up by my spam folder. So if it seems like I respond to some things in longer than usual time, that's why.
gina_r_snape: me as drawn by pennswoods (Grandma's House))
Forgive me LJ, it's been 4 days since my last entry. If that sounds oddly like a confessional, maybe it's because of the news I heard this morning. Governor Cuomo is being bashed by religious leaders for living with his girlfriend out-of-wedlock. The news this morning was all about Cuomo's refusal to meet with the Bishop of NY. I am greatly amused. I must admit, I have come to dislike Governor Cuomo in recent days. I sense he holds deep hatred for either NYC, Mayor Bloomberg, or both. But his refusal to meet with a religious leader to discuss his "moral failure" gave me a bit of respect for him.

In other news, I am still drowning in my own fluids. But a little bit less so. Coming back to work this week has been nothing short of exhausting. But yesterday the shelter doctor gave me prescriptions for two inhalers. So now I'm all lightheaded and loopy and phlegmy, but at least a small amount of oxygen is making it to my limbs. I've now had this cold for 14 days.

I'm still not completely finished unpacking from Gallifrey. There are bits and bobs to put away, and my corset needs washing but I am not sure whether to use Woolite on it. Last night I felt vaguely optimistic that I might get something done. I came home, put the cat food away, ate a modest dinner, then promptly passed out on the couch for 1 1/2 hours. So, still no Gallifrey pics. That's ok. I still haven't posted the Wizarding World portrait pics from Infinitus yet. One day...

I missed the deadline for submitting presentations to a conference in October. And I wasn't able to apply for that position in Portland. I try to concentrate on my literature review and my head is just swimming. The good news is, I still have time off. 1 sick day, 2 holidays, and 5 vacation days remain until July 1st. I need to plan them wisely and pray the lurgy doesn't become a lifestyle.

And now that I'm done whinging, I wish to bring your attention to the inimitable [livejournal.com profile] fidelioscabinet. In light of recent attacks on the right to collective bargaining on the state level, she has started a series of entries on labor history. First one here and the second one here with promises of more to come at irregular intervals. They are extremely interesting and I encourage you to read them. It should come as no surprise to anyone that I favor taxing businesses over cutting health care benefits, laying off workers, etc. And during this time of increased strain on the state level, it does not surprise me that history is repeating itself. Is it any wonder I spend so much time on YouTube watching silly interviews with Noel Fielding and tv shows like Victorian Pharmacy. I yearn for a time when everything seems possible, not impossible. Watching the Daily Show the other day was almost too much to bear.
gina_r_snape: me as drawn by pennswoods (Studious (HP))
As some of you know, I am a regular reader of Rob Breszny's Free Will Astrology column. I find his weekly 'scopes a kind of hippie, poetic meditation. Ponderings, whether you choose to align them with the stars or simply use them as therapeutic points of contemplation.

Taurus this week reads:

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
You're very familiar with the inexhaustible longings that you harbor in your depths. Your primal hungers for love and connection are never far from your awareness. But the sad thing is that you often regard this as a problem -- as a vulnerability that disempowers you. This Valentine season I'm asking you to change all that. I'm urging you to see your enormous yearnings as strengths . . . to celebrate them as essential fuel for your vitality . . . to treat them as crucial ingredients in your lust for life. Take it from someone who has seen too many people crippled by their lack of passion: You're lucky to be so well-endowed with desire.


While I could certainly choose to relate this to my love life (and may well do so in private), I am in this entry actually relating it to my career. Because in my last entry, the biggest fear I held about applying for a Visiting position is the uncertainty related to job security. So it's curious that I chose to go back to school, to open up the potential to leave a relatively secure if unsatisfying position for the tenure track life. I have, I acknowledge, a certain degree of self-satisfaction over the fact that I am "good at school." I learn concepts quickly. Ok, I have a bit of an ego. I'm not denying it. But I find it's not the "best and the brightest" who necessarily are the most prolific. It's the hungriest. Whether in or out of academia, it's those who have something to say who produce the most. As a relatively placid Bull, I crave certain comforts and security and have become more risk-averse as I age. I am not an angry person. I'm easily amused. I make myself comfortable. But I also know that when placed in positions of risk, I sort of "come to life" to get what's needed done. I'm exceptionally good at crisis management, btw.

I was also listening to the episode of the iProcrastinate podcast entitled "Temptation and Procrastination" today on the train, returning from a meeting with the city. A researcher discussed his findings, that students (and this podcast does seem geared toward doctoral students) tend to procrastinate most through social activities. The prime mediating factor was self-confidence. If someone is truly self-confident about their abilities (and not just living with self-bravado), then there's a greater chance of turning down social outings to stay on task with school work.

I believe this is also linked to a fear of failure. In my case, there is a palpable fear of leaving the secure work environment once I've obtained my PhD. So the question is, how can I take Mr Breszny's advice and use that fear as a strength? My inexhaustible longing to NOT be incomeless, health insurance-less and jobless?

I think the key here is to partialize. Take smaller steps. And to not worry about whether I'll be stuck come May 2012 until after I know if I'll even have finished my PhD by then! But rather, it's to turn my dissatisfaction with the status quo into a hunger for more. And to know that I will move heaven and earth (as I always do) to make sure I have some sort of employment or assistance to fall back on from my family if needed.
gina_r_snape: me as drawn by pennswoods (Don't Look Back (Colbert))
So I called out sick today. It's not the snow. I just woke up with, shall we say, certain pains that made me not want to put on real clothes and deal with the public. So after a nice long hot shower I am spending the day in sweats and fuzzy socks.

I plan to get some reading done, and maybe set myself some writing deadlines.

I've got plans this weekend to attack my home office again and this time REALLY make a dent. When MA came over the other night she said something interesting to me. I'll paraphrase. She hired someone to help her reorganize her workspace because she felt like putting it off was tantamount to telling the universe she wasn't ready to move on to a new phase in her life. This was just after she'd been laid off from her job, so it was an excellent time to tackle such a project. So I feel like, with the new year, now is a good time to make a genuine difference in my home work space.

Plus, I'll be getting some help this weekend from [livejournal.com profile] drfardook who has been promised homemade multigrain bread. There may also be some cheese and marmite involved. And fruit salad of the kiwi, mango, strawberry variety. I am on the fence about grapes or pineapple.

There will be massive amounts of throwing things away. Of pruning and possibly posting online of books for sale. There might even be some moving of furniture, but that's more of a maybe whereas the purging of papers is a definite. It's not something I can do alone, as I live in a 4th floor walk-up and it would take me a month to carry stuff down alone. Plus, I need someone to push me so I don't just faff about moving piles from one spot to another and pretending it's an actual accomplishment.

When MA came over Tuesday night, she brought two books for me to borrow and/or keep. One of them is entitled Culinary Tea: More Than 150 Recipes Steeped in Tradition from Around the World. I found a recipe that might make good use of the napa cabbage we got in my winter CSA. Is anyone on my flist practised in the art of dumpling making? [livejournal.com profile] ladyaelfwynn or [livejournal.com profile] sketchybrunette perhaps? I am thinking of substituting soy beef for the pork and trying my hand at this recipe. Here are the ingredients:

Jasmine Dumplings

Filling

3/4 pound/340g napa cabbage, shredded
2 1/4 tsp kosher salt, divided
2 T coarsely ground loose-leaf jasmine tea leaves
1 bunch scallions
1 tsp finely chopped fresh ginger
3 garlic cloves, finely chopped
2 T soy sauce
2 tsp toasted sesame oil
1 lb/455g ground pork
60 wonton wrappers

Jasmine Dipping Sauce
1c/240ml steaming water
1 T loose-leaf jasmine tea leaves
2 T soy sauce
2 T rice vinegar
1 dash toasted sesame oil (with hot chile if desired)
1 clove garlic, finely chopped
1/2 tsp finely chopped fresh ginger

cabbage leaves, jasmine tea and water for steaming the dumplings

Le Sigh

Jan. 18th, 2011 11:17 pm
gina_r_snape: me as drawn by pennswoods (Purr cartoon)
Greetings f-list. Why yes, I am still alive. I've just been cocooned in pleasant company and pleasant pursuits for a few days.

The conference was wonderful and inspiring. I am very very pleased to have gone.

On the flight back I sat next to a junior faculty member (TM) from my Uni who extended herself during the con and she advised me about the qualitative portion of my dissertation. We also chatted about academia, family (she and her partner are raising their baby vegan, she keeps joking that it's the closest thing to immaculate conception she can think of since her partner is the one who gave birth), and her undying love for Angelina Jolie. LOL I told her about Doctor Who. We talked about playing music (she used to be a musician and I used to play guitar). And generally just enjoyed each others company. She even gave me a lift back into Manhattan!

Upon my return, I spent some time with [livejournal.com profile] drfardook and I think it's fair to say my taking him to Russ and Daughters followed by Economy Candy and the Essex Market were something of a LES culinary tour de force. Pity we didn't make it to Guss' Pickles or the Doughnut Factory. But hey, gotta leave something for another time right? At the very least, he got to pretend to be a NY Jew for a bit. And I see my brainwashing influence has taken root because he insisted on buying licorice bootlaces in homage to the Mighty Boosh. ^_^

Today ME of the Jew Crew came for dinner. We had savoury chickpea flour pancakes with onion, shallot, and sunchokes from my CSA (and parsley) with a side of sauteed cod and a carrot salad (also from my CSA) with a balsamic vinaigrette. Then her husband AJ and a mutual friend (KS) came over for tea. I brewed some Whittard's Afternoon Blend and got to use my tea set! She made almond macaroons and we used an egg from my CSA as well for that. And we had some halvah from Economy Candy and I also happened to bake a challah bread for tomorrow so we had some of that with nutella.

There was much chatting and smiling and purring (AJ purrs when he's content. No . . . really). And now that they've all gone home I'm sitting here online instead of cleaning up. I suspect the wine and the heat and the food have lulled me into a sense of contentment. But the truth is, this year has started off such that I am brimming with contentment. What is that about?

Tomorrow after work I intend to hack away at my office space a bit more and set myself a work schedule for my dissertation. And catch up on my f-list. So if there are any pertinent entries you'd like me to see, please do not hesitate to point them out!
gina_r_snape: me as drawn by pennswoods (Doctor Who Geek)
Wow! Howdy flist! I'm back at my hotel now and perhaps you might guess by the number of exclamation points that I've had two drinks! :D

Today was one of those days that reiterates the good things about going to conferences.

To start, I went to a presentation on software called Mplus and the presenters were SUCH lovely people. Funny, energetic, one of them saw me drinking a cup of tea and joked "You'd better get a coffee dear. This is a presentation on statistical software." LOLOL

As it turns out, Mplus offers exactly what I'm looking for to analyze my data set* and now I'm all juiced up in my mental pants. I put my business card in their box for a chance to win a copy of the software, but a friend of mine from my program has offered to give me her copy of the previous version and a tutorial on Structured Equation Modeling**. I am also set to sit down with renowned zombie statistician Robert Smith? at Gallifrey to further discuss SEM. I AM SO PSYCHED TO DO MY DATA ANALYSIS NOW IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY.

At lunch I caught up with a former fellow student who is now working at a University, and saw a few other fellow candidates. I also went to the LGBT caucus, which was a bit of a snoozeville. But I ran into that assistant professor I met at the other conference who wanted my syllabi on LGBT policy and he gave me a new idea for possible theory for my dissertation! He also briefly discussed with me some data he collected that might be fruitful for a joint paper.

And then this evening was the conference reception. Free dinner! Free drinks! I was flirted with by TWO different women! And in casual chatting with one of the faculty at my university, she gave me the idea to submit an article for a content analysis of literature review based on what I wrote for the Williams Institute grant I applied for. So even though I didn't get that grant, I can recycle what I wrote and tweak it for a possible publication!

The nerdy. It feels soooo good right now.







* Mplus allows you to three things I find interesting - structured equation modeling (SEM), Exploratory Factor Analysis (EFA), and Latent Class Analysis (LCA)

** SEM allows you to combine multiple observed variables to create a combined variable. So for example, I want to look at the combined effect of gender presentation, being out and documentation status (whether someone has changed documents to reflect identified gender and name change) on income, employment discrimination and the decision to not file a formal complaint for employment discrimination. EFA allows you to throw in a mixed bag of variables and see if any relationships emerge. LCA allows you to do this as well, only with the specific focus of examining heterogeneity within groups (e.g. among those who have Bachelor's degrees, or among people of color).

Brrr

Jan. 13th, 2011 05:20 pm
gina_r_snape: me as drawn by pennswoods (Noel reads poetry)

Thanks for all the lovely well wishes!

I am in Tampa and it's freeeeeezing. So much for getting away to someplace warm. I don't think it will go above 45F while I'm here.

I've met a couple of nice people and met one doctoral student whose interests overlap with mine. And apparently there is a Cheesecake Factory near my hotel so that might be my Saturday night entertainment.

It is strange staying at an off-site hotel. I feel vaguely homeless in between sessions. But the pub has veggie burgers so I will manage. And anyway they had out free coffee and tea all morning!

I can't say I've learned anything yet. But with three more days to go I am hopeful. I have taken some notes on my variables so clearly I'm stimulating something deep in the recesses of my brain.

Well, that must be a terribly mundane entry. Tell me what is exciting in LJ-land'

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

gina_r_snape: me as drawn by pennswoods (Jon Stewart Ravin')
I just finished grading my exams and submitted final grades for my class. Regarding the exam - 2 students failed the final (but one came up to me and admitted she blanked under pressure). 2 C+ grades; 1 C, the rest B or better. Out of 29, I'd say that's pretty darn good.

I'm waiting on one student who got an incomplete. Otherwise, I'M DONE FOR THE SEMESTER. No more teaching until September!

Pardon me while I celebrate with a few appropriate gifs



Tomorrow night I'll be celebrating by attending Hotsy Totsy Burlesque's Harry Potter and the Boobies of Fire. (I am even getting in for free!)

And then, finally, I will have time to finish my Boosh fic! And celebrate the holidays! And then work on my dissertation!

:flaily Kermit arms:
gina_r_snape: me as drawn by pennswoods (Noel snoozing Childmen)
So I opted to go for the student loan and told the Dean who schedules classes last night. She wasn't happy, but she did say "You better get a lot of work done, then!" It's hard for a Dean to justify getting upset with doctoral students who want to work on their dissertation. But she was not her usual bubbly, smiley self with me. I did remind her that I've never pulled out before.

I chatted with a fellow doctoral candidate in the lounge afterward who told me something interesting. Apparently, despite the announcement of a slight increase in pay, a number of adjuncts pulled out for next semester. I think we're all a bit burnt out from the high enrollment rate. I wound up with 29 students in my class this semester, and a few of them had problems requiring individualized attention. Most of my students seemed brain-dead in class, and so I didn't get the usual sense of enjoyment from teaching. I'm burnt out from reading a large number of not very good papers. And I just need a break. So I will structure my time next semester with target dates for work. And I plan to start exercising again.

I've also decided to take a week off work this month to sleep, clean and dissertate.

But tonight I'm going to see PeeWee's Playhouse! I'm not a big theatre person, but I used to watch that show in college with my friends while, er, consuming substances. So there's a nostalgia factor for me. Plus, it's just so ridiculous and I could do with a bit of mindless fun!

This weekend I look forward to resting, cleaning and reading. It's been an exhausting week with grading papers and covering for my boss at work and managing my mouse and other household maintenance problems. My apologies to those who are still owed emails.

Of course, my mood might have nothing to do with any of the things going on in my life. Perhaps it's to do with the dementor I saw hanging about this building around the corner from my home the other day? It's well past Halloween, so it must be a dementor. Right?

gina_r_snape: me as drawn by pennswoods (Boosh Please Kill Me)
GROOOOAAAAAAAAAAN!

It's warm and humid and rainy today and all I want to do is drink hot cocoa and stay at home with my kitties. :pouts:

I did not get a good night's rest last night, and I'm very tired today. My radiators started leaking again, so repair guys came in last night and didn't leave for hours. [livejournal.com profile] tennis_bear jinxed me when he came over, too, by asking about the radiators. Maybe I'll blame this all on him. I had a mountain of papers to grade, which I just couldn't get done while they were there. So today I will have to be focused despite being exhausted. :( I've been grading over the past week, actually - a few at a time. But none of the papers have produced any humorous lines worth sharing. Sorry!

14 papers of 10 - 12 page length in one day. I can do it. Sure I can. Did I mention my boss is on holiday for two weeks and so I'm covering her position as well?

I am contemplating taking out a student loan and foregoing teaching next semester so I can have more time to dissertate. As it is, I'm taking a week off work in December to sit and focus. I've got two goals before February: to write up a literature review for submission to next year's annual social work education conference and put something substantial on paper (even if it's inchoate) regarding my theory. Once I do that, I can sit with one of the faculty members and see if it makes sense.

The other reason I'm debating taking out a loan is so I can go to a social work researchers conference. I put out a lot of money to attend the one in Portland (between hotel, airfare, conference fees, etc). This one is closer, but still will cost me at least $1k when all is said and done.

I found myself with a temporary momentum of excitement after the last conference. But when I got back, the pressures of teaching took over my time.

I just hate the idea of taking out another student loan. But I suppose this is what it's for, right? I can't drop work down to part-time and I haven't had a raise in a few years. Teaching used to be fun and extra money, now it's the extra money that pushes me over the edge to live within my means.

:whinge:

I WANNA STAY AT HOME AND PUT ON PJS AND DRINK HOT COCOA AND WRITE FANFIC, dammit!
gina_r_snape: me as drawn by pennswoods (Noel snoozing Childmen)
First of all, I finally got to watch the Stewart/Colbert rally online. I'm glad I was there. The crowd was overwhelmingly nice, friendly, pleasant and engaged. Plus, I got to see [livejournal.com profile] tigermind and meet her bf and her friend [livejournal.com profile] hunter7. And I got to catch up with [livejournal.com profile] ladyaelfwynn and kidlet.

I have so little time these days, and I know I keep saying I will post pictures of this and that. But I will. The list is growing steadily - rally, Portland, Infinitus stuff. I know. I know!

I picked up my final fruit share on Tuesday and it included honeycrisp apples, cranberries and gooseberries. Tonight I plan to try my hand at individual gooseberry pies (as I didn't get that many berries). Last night I made some cranberry muffins that were a bit chewy but yummy )


Yesterday I got to sleep late and then I went to vote. I'm extremely pleased to see NY State roundly reject that homophobic, racist nutjob Paladino. Not so happy to hear what happened in Michigan, Illinois and Ohio. Sorry to hear Prop 19 didn't pass in California. And very unhappy about the House results. So pretty much, we've got 2 months to pass anything before we have two years of even more clusterf*ck than we've already had.

Elsewhere in the news, I've got dinner meetings with two researchers in my field in the next two weeks - one a doctoral candidate who I met via SF a few months ago who is very well connected as she's the partner of someone in a position of LGBT leadership, the other a former NGLTF research intern who I cold-contacted after my former CSA share forwarded me an email from her on a project related to my dissertation topic. Small world, and SO glad I mentioned my dissertation to my CSA share! Even more glad I was nice to her all season. :D Not that I wouldn't be, of course . . .

I also made professional contact with someone at a University in North Carolina who has agreed to list me as a reference in her literature review for a study I had published on homeless older adults. :beams: This was someone I met at the conference in Portland, btw.

Tonight I have so much prep work to do. I can't seem to get the fuzz out of my brain today. I'm attending the dissertation defense of someone I'm friendly with in my program. She used a data set I briefly looked at for my own dissertation. But seeing as how she was so far ahead of me and was asking all the questions I would have asked, there was no point in using it. I'm keen to cheer her on, and curious about both the process and her work.

I've got soooo much reading to do it's painful. And I'm hosting both a Booshfest and Thanksgiving at my house. These and other commitments mean I won't have a weekend "off" until December, I think. And now my University wants me to teach Saturday mornings in the Spring. I'm getting rather fond of Thursday night classes. But what can you do?

Well, that's more than a couple of thoughts, but that's the state of things at Hogwarts on the Hudson. Or Xooberon. Or Gallifrey. You choose your fandom home. ^_^

I need a nap!
gina_r_snape: me as drawn by pennswoods (Dear Journal (Glee))
So I had a telephone meeting with my dissertation chair this morning and it was great. We talked about time expectations, file sharing and draft protocols, my data set, what things from the data management course of hers I took that have proven useful so far, and my trip to the conference. It was so encouraging and refreshing. And she said she felt I had the right kind of temperament and inquisitive mind to be well suited for a University position.

She agreed that completing my work this time next year is realistic, especially when considering how little time I have between working f/t and teaching. Though she remarked that working at about 140% (well over 40 hours a week dedicated to some kind of work activity) was a good indicator of what I consider a "normal" work schedule. LOL

Tonight I have more papers to grade, and I'm under the gun to get them done. This is why I have not yet posted my pics from Sunday. Or my pics from Portland. Fear not, my beauties, they are on the way!

But I give you this, which relates to my post:

gina_r_snape: me as drawn by pennswoods (Default)
Thanks to all of you who commented about my stressful day at work - both on LJ and off.

Despite what it might seem, it wasn't actually that stressful a situation. I am grateful to have LJ as an outlet. But I think working as I do in social services, things roll off my back more easily than it might others.

Still, this weekend I did treat myself well. On Friday evening I went with [livejournal.com profile] pov_power, my friend CR and her new girlfriend D to see Kate Bornstein speak at Bluestocking bookstore. It wasn't quite what I expected. Kate barely spoke at all. She was engaging, but somehow I had it in my mind that she would (in personality) be a lot less, um, cute? Huggable? Sweet? Adorable? Her writing can be so angry, in your face, questioning, boundary-pushing (even taken into context by virtue of time passed). But in person she was like a big mom. It was nice. Her newest book is actually a collection of essays from other people about their experiences being "gender outlaws" (to take the book title). Four authors spoke. Two resonated with me. I may or may not write more in a filtered post. At any rate, it was nice to go out, hang with friends, eat Indian food, talk about politics and fanfiction and cooking and travel. Just a relaxed evening.

Oh, and btw - Kate Bornstein is a nerd, y'all. She had someone take a video and made us all shout "SO SAY WE ALL!"

Here she is talking to the audience. I want her peek-a-boo shirt.

(this should be a clickable thumbnail, I hope)
Photobucket

On Saturday I went with [livejournal.com profile] drfardook to see The Swans play at the Mercury Lounge. The show was just ok. I think they kind of hate their audience. The singer demanded the a/c be shut off. They had the audience stand for about twenty minutes listening to an unpleasant droning noise before coming on stage. And their sound was, as he put it, recursive. Kind of like a less punk, less interesting, less engaging version of Sonic Youth. So, meh. Oh, but earlier in the day I bought this trilby hat with a lightening bolt )


Yesterday I was a good little doctoral student and spent time during the day reading theory. I also worked on part 2 of Jazz Dalek. And today I spent SIX HOURS dissertating - including meeting up with SF who clarified some questions about variables and jogged my fuzzy memory about actually doing statistics. I'm so glad she's happy to be helpful. And she seemed genuinely pleased that one of her books lead to my choice of theory. It's nice to have had such an amicable break up.

Anyway, tonight I am absolutely determined to get to bed early as I don't want to be fighting off fatigue and this new cold before going away to a conference. I'm propped up on a lot of caffeine and I know I will crash soon. My flat is feeling quite cozy because we're having a hailstorm-turned-thunderstorm and my girls are being super cuddly.

It's funny, [livejournal.com profile] cuddlebunni3 suggested I live a fast life. I just don't see it. Most days I go to work and come home, watch tv, tool around online, read, whatever. Sure, I go out at the weekend, and sometimes meet up with someone during the week. But I hardly call that exciting. I guess I just live a city life, and have a good PR person. :o)

Hurray for Bank Holiday Monday, flist!
gina_r_snape: me as drawn by pennswoods (eggplant)
A recipe for a certain Roasted Beet soup can be found here! :) (Note: You can comment here, or there if you have a blogspot account).

So this chest cold from last week is still kicking my arse. I've been pretty wiped after work. And this morning when my alarm went off my brain said "Who is calling me this early in the morning?" It took at least a minute to register that it was my morning alarm. (I should note that I use my iPhone as my alarm clock and have one of my ring tones for the alarm).

I'm thinking that's not good. So I'm reeeaaaally glad we've got a 3-day weekend coming up. All hail Bank Holiday Monday!

I've decided to dive into my readings and write my study aims this weekend, now that I'm 99% done with the codebook for my variables. I'm meeting my ex-gf SF on Monday to go over the remaining variables, seeing as how she was one of the original researchers for the study. I feel it's imperative to have study aims down before I go to the professional conference, so I have something easy and not clumsy to roll off my tongue when people ask me what my dissertation is about.

I'm also waiting for part 2 of Jazz Dalek to come back from my lovely beta [livejournal.com profile] bluestocking79. Not feeling as good about my writing, though I do like my ideas. So that'll be a bit of work. Can't wait to hear her comments (good, bad or otherwise).

So yeah, I'll be flying to Portland next week, an evening flight. Usually I try to sleep on the plane but I think this time I will see if I can get work done instead because I don't want to be up all night and exhausted at the conference.. For some reason, I don't have the usual pre-flight anxieties. What I have instead is a sort of toned down awareness that I will be flying and an "I am usually more anxious than I am now feeling" feeling. The last few times I've flown, I've managed all right. Is it possible I have only residual fear of flying? Does that sort of thing wear off? Or have my self-guided cognitive behavioral and pharmacological treatments simply worked? I know onset is common for women in their 30s. :shrugs:

Anyway, it looks like I missed a lot of fun at the DWNY meet last night (Tony Lee was there being his usual entertaining self), but I'm not sorry because I was too exhausted and I have to take care of myself first.

I kinda wish I didn't have to teach tonight. Or work today. But what can ya do? Gotta be a grown up, right? I have hungry kitty mouths to feed. ^_^
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